The great tuk-tuk adventure, a.k.a. “Beware of Wily Strangers”

Richard and I were free to have a tourist day Tuesday so we set out early to avoid the heat. Our first stop was the Wat Pho (“po”), a temple whose main attraction is the “Reclining Buddha.” The 150-foot long statue is made of plaster, covered with gold, and contained in a building not much larger than itself, making it impossible to take in as a whole piece. The enormous feet are inlayed with mother-of-pearl designs depicting the 108 auspicious signs of the Buddha. While this statue is the major draw of the wat, there are also ceramic tile-encrusted chedis (tiered spires that are often built over relics or ashes), hundreds of smaller gold Buddhas, multiple chapels decorated with mosaics, and guard statues of Chinese men and fantastical beasts. Wat Pho was a little hard to navigate without a guide or a guide book and it probably would have been worth it to be guided by a bilingual Thai. Which was what Richard and I planned to do next in the Grand Palace.

The Grand Palace is just around the corner from the Wat Pho, but given the size of the palace, this is quite a corner to walk around. We calmly refused tuk-tuk (“too-k too-k”) drivers, saying we needed to walk for the exercise. I had been warned by guidebooks and Carola that these drivers will try to tell you that major monuments are closed and will offer to take you on a different tour which leads to gem shopping instead. In the back of my head, I also knew from the guidebooks and our map that you can only enter the Grand Palace as tourist from the northwest gate, on the side that faces away from the Wat Pho.

I thought that I was pretty well informed and resistant to the pressure of con-artists. At the first gate of the formidable walls of the palace we came to there were two men: a guard with a gun and an official military uniform, and a man with an official looking emblem on his shirt who told us he worked for the tourism office of the palace. He also mentioned that today there was a ceremony in the palace and that it would open at 1 pm. He was very helpful at pointing out other temples and attractions on our map at did not try to sell us anything. Armed with this information, Richard and I continued our walk to the northwest gate.

We made it to the northwest side of the palace and came to a gate, encountering two similar men: a guard and another dressed like the first palace worker. Here we heard the same story: no foreign tourists would be admitted until 1 pm out of respect of the ceremony. This seems reasonable: Thais have a lot of celebrations and a great respect for their monarchy. There also are a million things a foreigner can do to offend a Thai (including pointing their feet at people or sacred objects, and being too tall). So the nice palace worker showed us other attractions on the map, assured us the palace would be open from 1-5 pm, presented his palace worker ID . . . and offered to call us a tuk-tuk to take us someplace else in the meantime. This tuk-tuk calling business raised a red flag for me. It was also slightly suspicious that the palace worker would not give us the map he had drawn unless we let him call us the tuk-tuk. Once again, Richard and I calmly refused, opting instead to cross the street.

There’s just something about being a foreign tourist in Bangkok that makes tuk-tuk drivers gravitate towards you. There is also something (i.e. the heat, poorly-maintained sidewalks, lack of English signage) about Bangkok that makes it a very difficult city to see on foot. So as I tried to discreetly figure out where we could go to kill time until 1pm, we met a tuk-tuk driver who was the third to tell us the palace would open at one, and offered to take us to see other sights until then, promising to wait for us when we were inside and eventually bring us back to the Palace. This sounded like a good idea for a grand tour, even though that the second stop “Tourist Center” was unknown to me.

Away we went! Riding in a tuk-tuk has few similarities to other forms of transport. The three-wheeled open vehicle sounds vaguely like a chainsaw when it starts, for one. The sun shade/roof is nice, but sitting in the back it is too low to see out the front beyond a few feet of road. Richard and I toyed with the idea of sticking our heads out of the sides, but decided against it when we realized this was a good way to lose our heads to other traffic.

We did get to see the Standing Buddha that is over 100 feet tall at one Wat. But then it was off to the “Tourist Center,” i.e. shopping. We were reassured because we were told we didn’t need to buy anything, just stop inside. After a gem store and multiple tailors, we were told only a few more stops were necessary for the driver to earn the necessary petrol credit. After an hour of such shopping (including a Kasmir carpet store), we were back on our way to sightseeing. We went to the temple of the Smiling Buddha (though which Buddhas don’t smile?), only to emerge to find no tuk-tuk and no familiar driver. That left us on the north end of town, without any transport and with no desire to travel with another Thai who intended to rip us off. Later we learned that the driver had no need to take our money (we didn’t actually pay) because the drivers work on commission from the shops that they visit- visit 6 shops and the petrol is paid for.

Some walking, lunch, and a river taxi later ended us at the Grand Palace around 2:30. We walked further down the street north of the palace to find a very open gate, plenty of tourists, no “palace workers,” and a sign stating in Thai and English that without exception, the palace is open to the public 8:30 am to 3:30 pm daily. The sign goes on to warn that there are many con-artists about who will try to tell you otherwise, and at the bottom, in large capital letters, states “Beware of Wily Strangers.”

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Richard and I decided against visiting the palace for just under an hour in favor of seeing some other sights on our own, including the Giant Swing (the seat of which was removed in 1932 because of the long track record of accidents and fatalities as Thais tried to swing high enough to tear open a bag of silver with their teeth), and the Golden Mount, which provides great views of the city if you are willing to climb 400+ steps. We have plans to visit the Grand Palace when we return for our JBE booster shot in three months . . . and will refuse to listen to anyone who tells us we can’t!